Dangerous thoughts.

I’ve been kinda floating on ideas lately thinking about what it means to have a ton of responsibilities versus having a lot of fun. I don’t really think our minds really know the difference other than laughing here and then.. You’d think I’d really fall for the super analytical types of people cause I know stuff… But I kinda hate numbers and facts and just simply don’t care about them. So when I heard that my town has a guy running from HR experience to fix schools decreasing budgets… I said… We are fucked. (Don’t judge me, I think he’ll be fine but the kids will suffer and become super analytical robots) My friend was in the town hall meeting running for trustee, and he said… Teachers aren’t just some people you can hire and deal with… They are people. And I always felt that too.. My teachers were so passionate about what we were doing with our lives and why they were teaching us with theirs. My art teacher is banned from Canada for some reason and he told me I should date a girl to which I took his advice- only to find out she chose some other guy and then he dumped her, then he dated my old bestfriend… And dumped her too… So that’s kinda dumb that they had to go through that. Anyways… My art teacher was the most inspirational person in my life other than my boss and a few co-workers at my old jobs because he believed in me and I trusted him to push me forward. He did.. He helped push me into what I wanted to do and taught me that if I wanted to be somebody great… I had to embrace the problems I had head on and he cared if I was depressed too.. He knew the types of music we were listening to were melancholy and rap so our anger was what fueled us. I later went to an art school only to learn I didn’t want to go to art school… And ended up dropping out from a community college because of distance and had fallen in love with the company that has inspired so many people… Apple. Apple isn’t just a cult.. It’s the standard of higher living, we do what we must because we can. And we do it with our hearts and our best abilities come naturally.
These ideas have been in my head for a while and they’re beginning to grow on me.. That maybe all of the fun that I have… Doesn’t really matter in the end and it’s not really that fun for me… what matters now is that I don’t get in an awful position in the future where I feel abandoned or limited by my past decisions with my corporations to help Apple. I can do pretty much anything to counter my feelings but always remain on one task.. My mind has a power to focus so much on something I believe is special that I become blinded against everything else and even if it upsets me I am not frightened by it. I am in love with problem solving and admire my teachers for giving me their passion so that I too can choose to live in a world better than I came into.. This world is so special to me I just think a lot about it and what it means to focus on what matters and what doesn’t to see it better.
Sometimes this upsets people because my focus is so strong that they suddenly feel the disconnection towards it.. but if you know me.., know that somethings are disconnected so that they can connect even stronger in the end. It’s my metaphor for when a husband and wife go out through their day and at the end of the night… All that matters to me is a “goodnight, I love you.” But I guess I’ve already lived that with someone that we just never were happy because we were always trying to solve things.. We have to have a bit of balance in our lives to feel that love is there. And that this earth isn’t just a ground to step on. it’s the earth we walk together on.. Our lives are so short that when people talk to me and they ask me if I’m depressed the answer will most likely be… How can you not be… Our world is being ruined by shitty people trying to make a quick buck instead of solving bigger problems… I’m doing my best to get rid of shitty people with Apple and if that means destroying myself then so be it.